GIESSEN PLAYERS DUNK PROMPTS FIRST EVER MID-GAME DRUGS TEST

I have absolutely no information about the Giessen Pointers professional team, other than they appear to play in a gym that rivals some of SLBA's finest division three outfits. Anyway, take note of two things on this video taken by someone's dad in the stands: His take off and height when he finishes. If im not mistaken, he appears to get nipple-level with the hoop:

EURO-BASKETBALL FANS AND OTHER ANIMALS

In the last BBL playoff finals, Rocks fans were told by the announcer to sit down and stop being so loud as they were distracting other people in attendance. In other situations, people complained about a drum that is used to lead the chants of “DEFENCE”,  possibly due to the terrifying concept of ‘atmosphere’.

 

I can imagine BBL officials shitting themselves lifeless at the prospect of the kind of crowd response highlighted in the video below, which is one of any moment at a Panathanikos game. Not, as you could be forgiven for thinking, a snippet from Hitlers inaugriation speech to Nazi Germany.

In fact, across in Europe you are completely free to sit nonchalantly with 20,000 of your buddies waving a stick of burning magnesium that is capable of searing your face off five times over, while kicking the face off a puppy. You can't buy passion like that. 

Here’s a three of the best examples:

1.       During Game 3 of the championship series between 7 years running champion Panathinaikos and Olympiacos the refereeing crew was so horrendous that the fans in attendance started to have serious issues over numerous blown calls. Perhaps a little uninterested at the prospect of pointlessly booing, the fans decided to get straight to the point and throw some M-80 firecrackers at the officials. Unfortunately the explosives landed directly under one of the team benches, which forced security to get decked out in full riot gear to attempt to regain some law and order. After nearly an hour break the game resumed until a few more incendiary devices were again launched towards officials. Eventually the game had to be called for safety, with Panathinaikos taking home their 8th straight Greek League Title and irreparably ruined underwear. (SKIP TO 2.50 for the incident)

2.

During an AEK Athens game (Yup, Greeks again) one fan held up play for several minutes as he felt the need to clamber on the basket in support of his squad. The atmosphere was already like an underground dog-fighting venue before the unnamed hero (with the kind of flesh on display that could encourage Greek birth rates to drop for a decade) took to the hoop. Nestled in between the backboard and shot-clock, the topless gent fist-pumped like a champ to the ecstatic chants of his fellow fans. The most awesome part is that police and security just waited for him to get bored and calmly walk back to his seat, instead of what would happen if it took place in the US: announcing it as an international incident and having him waterboarded.

3. The day I get to replace David Stern as NBA commisioner, all finals will be decided henceforthwith, serbian style:

Game one will be a casual affair, with regular rules. Good luck to both squads, may the best team win.

Game two will run normally until the fourth quarter, where a mass brawl will kick off and up to 18 players will be ejected. Larger players sending smaller players spiralling off in to distance with javelin-like throws is not only permitted, but widely encouraged. Due to the number of ejections, the game will finish with a laughable three on three full-court contest.

Game three called off as only one team will turn up. Championship awarded to winner of Games one and two.

HS BASKETBALL COACH WHIPS PLAYERS INTO SHAPE, A and E

If you can't walk into a high school gym these days and brutally flog your players without some kind of court proceedings, then my friends, the terrorists have won.

From CNN: 

"A shocking cell phone video shows a high school basketball coach using a weightlifting belt to whip one of his players.
More players at the school, Murrah High School in Jackson, Miss., say they have been whipped too. The coach, asst. coach Marlon Dorsey, admitted to paddling the boys and is now reportedly on leave. Some of the parents have filed a lawsuit against the school district.
This morning, one of the fathers, Jason Hubbard, Sr., tells Ali Velshi what happened to his 15-year-old son, who is not the player in the video but was allegedly hit.
Also, Lisa Ross, the attorney representing the parents of three players in the suit against coach Dorsey, Principal Frederick Murray and the Jackson School District, details the laws at play in the case."



Its shocking. Just shocking. I mean, how old is the phone he's filming that on? I can barely make out a thing.

GRIFFIN WATCH: Oompa Loompa Dog Edition

"...yeah, you better walk away."

Black Chapters favourite and certified freak of nature Blake Griffin has been steadily topping every dunk he has had this season, all the while being on yet another crappy Clippers team (1-11). The promise of millions of NBA dollars pales with the reality of having to be part of the basketball franchise equivalent to a Rustlers burger. A small consolation is you get flirted with by a dude wearing some Chilean Miner sunglasses.

GOOD DOG

This has absolutely nothing to do with basketball, but it made me happy like the last time your sister came over.






KOBE BRYANT BLOWS SHIT UP, IS AWESOME

First off the bat, watch this:

There's no getting away from it, shooting an assault rifle is awesome (so my step-father assures me). Its something most teenage boys want to do, hence the popularity of war-themed video games. Whats not awesome (so my step-father assures me) is killing people. That commerical didn't feature a single death but just the sweaty ecstasy of pumping several rounds out of a variety of weapons. The very correct point the piece was trying to make is that, probably tragically, shooting a gun and blowing shit up appeals to many people in all walks of life.

Neither Bryant nor his representatives have publicly commented on the controversy, and commissioner David Stern is also being questioned for not speaking out against Bryant's appearance in the commercial.

My number one choice of organisations that shouldn't be commenting on social issues, ESPN, weighed in on the subject:

"This qualifies as the all-time what were you thinking?", says Skip Bayless. "Does Kobe Bryant really need this money, this badly? Doesn't he have a couple of daughters, last time I checked? ... he is smiling while wielding an assault rifle in combat, while we have troops overseas at this moment, doing the same thing for real!"


DOGS AND CATS! LIVING TOGETHER! MASS HYSTERIA!

Hey, the rest of us level-headed people can sit back and relax. Its better Kobe is sitting in playing Call of Duty: Black Ops where we know where he is. Rather than say, out raping people.

ASSAULT OF THE DAY!

As my last alcoholic English teacher used to preach to me, just before he was arrested for sacrificing a goat during morning playtime: I head-stamp, you head-stamp, we all head-stomped.

Once again reminding us that Europeans be crazy, during a game between Union Olimpija and Panathinaikos in the Euroleague some dude takes offence to a defender attempting to take a charge:




BOOM, HEADSHOT. AMIRITE? *Waits for high-five that never comes*

They called an "unsportsmanlike foul" on the guy. What does he need to do to get ejected, detach the defenders head and punt it in to the crowd?

EASTBOUND AND DOWN: What's The Answer?

I never cared much for Allen Iverson. He struck me as a souless, personality-devoid thugbot, like a difficult, adopted emo child being housed by a well-to-do family. I thought he definitely had talent, but to describe him as a role-model to a certain generation is ridiculous. On the charisma scale, he sits somewhere between a dead cat and a broken washing machine. So here's last weeks big non-news.
Its with a certain sweaty glee that I report on the latest checkpoint on his whistlestop tour to a drug fuelled, chokebatin' related death is his signing for Turkish club, Besiktas.



I'm not blind to the impact that Iverson had on the game. His existence is the NBA came at a time when streetball and AND1 were up and coming and a good crossover was just as, if not more important than a consistent jumpshot.

Just a season and a half ago he was averaging 26.4 ppg, 7.2 apg, while shooting nearly 46% from the field and nabbing 2.0 spg, but what mattered to Philly, Denver, Detroit and Memphis was that he act like a professional.
Whether it be turning up for practice late or not at all, missing team events or faking injuries, Iverson made his life more difficult by approaching any situation like a petulant child.

Below is his "practice" rant following his then latest absence from a team shootaround. I warn you, watching this will burn its way into your soul and refuse to leave: